Easier not to believe

Its easier not to believe,
Because the alternative brings me pain,
To think of the journey i have walked,
And that a father who loves me would let me walk so,
That he would gift my every day with pain,
That my cries would never be heard.
I felt as though I cried to an abyss
Where noone would hear me.
The expectation made the sorrow greater,
The failure tore my heart to shreds,
The tears burned deeper than my soul,
I wonder if I will ever be whole.
So I find comfort in the thoughts I have,
That noone is letting me down,
That in this life I need just me,
I will be the pillar by which I stand,
For belief brings me more pain.
I know now more than ever,
That it is easier not to believe.