Unraveled

Unraveled

I haven’t slept a wink in days,
Because I’m afraid of what’s on the other side,
I closed my eyes last night,
And saw my head severed from my body,
I woke up screaming and on my feet,
No idea how I got to where I was,
Afraid of what I could do next time,
Afraid of what I would see if I closed my eyes.

I haven’t shed a tear in years,
But now I feel the tears weighing heavily on my heart,
I know I need to cry,
And I want to cry,
But I can’t,
The burden is too heavy for tears,
I feel tears will make me weaker than I am now,
And weakness, I fear, will cripple me.

I haven’t loved in years,
Yet I feel no need for love,
I find love to be a wasted feeling,
An acceptance of all the things we would never truly desire,
An acceptance of weakness and betrayal,
An acceptance of confusion and compromise,
I have no time to love,
And I pray I never will.

I haven’t prayed in years,
Because I’m afraid to give someone else control,
I’m afraid that God will always be right,
Yet I know there are answers only he can give,
I wish I could find the courage to go on one knee,
And say a prayer for my distraught soul,
God knows I need that, I know I need that,
Maybe I’ll pray today.

I haven’t slept and I haven’t cried,
I haven’t loved and I haven’t prayed,
Perhaps I need all these things,
But I wonder if the reason people don’t see my pain,
Is because I have no wounds or scars,
They live only in my soul and heart,
Today I will cry and I will pray,
Perhaps I may sleep and wake to a better day.